posted 20th December 2021
When we break up with someone, we're actually breaking up with two people.
Weird statement, I know. But it wasn't until I spoke to someone the other week, that I actually thought about this some more. Stay with me.
When we break up with someone, we feel a bit of hurt at some point (unless you're made of stone). We may feel bad/sad/angry for the person who we've broken up with, but we also feel bad for ourselves. Totally normal.
Because not only are we breaking up with the person standing in front of us, we are also breaking up with the person we were when we were with them.
Having to say goodbye to a version of yourself is always hard, but when the relationship comes to an end, so does the need for that person to exist within you.
We all change for the other person, making subtle compromises, making slight changes to our style of living, adapting to how someone else lives their life, so you can both live your lives together, comfortably. Despite all the teachings of Eartha Kitt not to compromise when a man walks into our lives, unfortunately for her, we all do, no matter what race, gender or sexual orientation the other person is.
If we didn't make those small changes, we would all be walking around single. People who have stayed together are the ones who have either had to change very little or who have identified their adaptions and have come to terms with them, together.
So, we have every right to press reset. To be upset/sad/angry. Just when we think we have dealt with one break-up (the actual break-up) we have to deal with the second one (the one with ourselves) especially if you became someone you didn't even know you could be.
This can be both positive and negative.
Positive, in the sense that you experienced such love/happiness/jubilance with another person, that you never had before. Negative, becoming someone who was scared/alone/vulnerable because you were with a person who didn't want to see it from your point of view, who didn't want to meet you halfway.
Either way, you have to go through that double break-up and that's why you can't just "get over it". You need to remember who you were & whether you are comfortable becoming that person again.
You have to form a new relationship with yourself.
Sound like something that you might be going through, comment below or drop me a message if you want to find out how I can help with working out that next step in the relationship with yourself.